Jokes

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Re: Jokes

Postby Pondero » August 21st, 2016, 10:54 am

Question: But surely, don't you think the millions you give to the political party in power will influence the decisions they make which affect your business interests?

Answer:. I certainly hope so!
Let nothing disturb you.
Let nothing make you afraid.
All things are passing.
God alone never changes.
Patience gains all things.
If you have God you will want for nothing.
God alone suffices.

— St. Teresa, The bookmark of Teresa of Ávila, [28]
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Re: Jokes

Postby Pondero » September 14th, 2016, 1:50 pm

The Barbary Apes in Gibraltar have a deal with local shop owners.For every camera they bring in they receive five euros.

The Queen of England last visited Gibraltar in 1954, and she said she was well pleased.... She hasn't been back since.
Let nothing disturb you.
Let nothing make you afraid.
All things are passing.
God alone never changes.
Patience gains all things.
If you have God you will want for nothing.
God alone suffices.

— St. Teresa, The bookmark of Teresa of Ávila, [28]
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Re: Jokes

Postby Sprocket » October 3rd, 2016, 6:40 pm

"Have you ever shoed a horse?"
"No, but I once told a donkey to fuck off."
Supercrappyfarcicalishbrexitisatrocious.
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Re: Jokes

Postby GregB » October 3rd, 2016, 7:05 pm

Sprocket wrote:"Have you ever shoed a horse?"
"No, but I once told a donkey to fuck off."

(Just invented this one in the same vein:)

"Have you ever told an ass to bugger off?"
"No, but a gay American I know has his ass buggered regularly."
"I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak."
- Woody Allen
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Re: Jokes

Postby Lyn » October 16th, 2016, 9:18 pm

SERIOUS ENQUIRIES ONLY:

A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 England vs Wales game. They are box seats plus travel and hotel accommodation. He didn't realize when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding - so he can't go. If you're interested and want to go instead of him: It's at St Thad's Church in Fulham at 3pm. Her name is Sue. She will be the one in the white dress.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Sprocket » November 12th, 2016, 9:30 am

From Facebook:

I tried speed dating, and this woman asked me "what are some of your favourite sounds?" As a cricket fan, I of course replied that I always found the sound of willow hitting leather particularly exciting. The evening took an unexpected turn from there.
Supercrappyfarcicalishbrexitisatrocious.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Sprocket » December 12th, 2016, 11:22 pm

Today is Lionel Blair's 84th birthday. Apparently he still likes recreational drugs and his birthday shopping list read:
1. Four Es
2. A jolly good fellow

Pinched from Facebook.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Sprocket » January 19th, 2017, 10:38 am

We received a roll of bubblewrap at work. I asked the manager what he wanted me to do with it. "Just pop it in the corner", he said. It took me hours.
Supercrappyfarcicalishbrexitisatrocious.
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Re: Jokes

Postby GregB » January 19th, 2017, 3:31 pm

Albert Pierrepoint's son wanted to follow his dad as Britain's chief executioner but he just couldn't get the hang of it.
"I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak."
- Woody Allen
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Re: Jokes

Postby GregB » February 3rd, 2017, 2:14 pm

I saw a portrait of Charles I the other day fingering the small, white, ornate collar round his neck. He was clearly feeling a little ruff...
"I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak."
- Woody Allen
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