Jokes

Forum games, jokes, stories or pictures ...
Forum rules
Forum games, jokes, stories or pictures ...

Re: Jokes

Postby GregB » March 11th, 2017, 8:14 am

I heard about a bloke in the Great War who went into action carrying an axe. He was always splitting herrs.
"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."
- T.S.Eliot 'Four Quartets'.
User avatar
GregB
 
Posts: 15077
Joined: October 25th, 2007, 11:23 am
Location: Barcelona, Spain

Re: Jokes

Postby Pondero » April 27th, 2017, 11:21 pm

Here is one dated August 13th 1993, from the Toronto Star and is a strip four section cartoon entitled Doonesbury.
Doonesbury is listening to a television broadcast where the US President of the day is being interviewed by the Press.


Press:. Mr President, with chairman Rostenkowski under a cloud , aren't your plans to move a health-care bill through his committee doomed?

President: Well I'm not sure it is right to count Danny out yet, he's still doing a whale of a job for us....
Besides we have a system of justice that says a man is innocent until proven guilty. Let's give that system a chance to work.

Press: Sir, will you be visiting the chairman in jail?

President: No, but I'll feel his pain.
“ignorance of the fact that man has a wounded nature inclined to evil gives rise to serious errors in the areas of education, politics, social action, and morals” (#407).
Catechism of the Catholic Church.
User avatar
Pondero
 
Posts: 12156
Joined: October 25th, 2007, 11:03 am
Location: Etobicoke,Ontario, Canada

Re: Jokes

Postby Sprocket » May 23rd, 2017, 5:55 am

How many gay men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but he might have to go to A&E to get it out again.
Brendan Behan once went on a lecture tour of Canada. On his arrival, a reporter asked him why he'd come to Canada. Behan replied "I saw an advert that said 'Drink Canada Dry', and I thought 'I'll try anything once!'"
User avatar
Sprocket
 
Posts: 15445
Joined: October 25th, 2007, 11:21 am
Location: Hemel Hempstead, Herts.

Re: Jokes

Postby Sprocket » May 29th, 2017, 8:57 am

The most popular make of car in South Africa is the Nissan Madela.
Brendan Behan once went on a lecture tour of Canada. On his arrival, a reporter asked him why he'd come to Canada. Behan replied "I saw an advert that said 'Drink Canada Dry', and I thought 'I'll try anything once!'"
User avatar
Sprocket
 
Posts: 15445
Joined: October 25th, 2007, 11:21 am
Location: Hemel Hempstead, Herts.

Re: Jokes

Postby Pondero » September 19th, 2017, 11:04 pm

President Trump addressed the United Nations today.

Here is part of his serious address.

"Rocket man is on a suicide mission for himself and for his regime."

:grin: :grin:

EDITED to include the full quote.
Last edited by Pondero on September 20th, 2017, 10:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“ignorance of the fact that man has a wounded nature inclined to evil gives rise to serious errors in the areas of education, politics, social action, and morals” (#407).
Catechism of the Catholic Church.
User avatar
Pondero
 
Posts: 12156
Joined: October 25th, 2007, 11:03 am
Location: Etobicoke,Ontario, Canada

Re: Jokes

Postby Lyn » September 19th, 2017, 11:27 pm

Didn't know he was an Elton fan.
Lyn
 
Posts: 42598
Joined: October 25th, 2007, 11:25 am

Re: Jokes

Postby Lyn » September 19th, 2017, 11:35 pm

Sprocket wrote:The most popular make of car in South Africa is the Nissan Madela.


:D Is that true Sprock?

I don't get your sig, please explain? In SE and parts of SW (eg Brixton) London, a BMW - usually white or black - is colloquially known as 'Black Man's Wheels' for obvious and other reasons. In other parts of London no-one would understand that!

They are lovely cars, very reliable and smart. BMW also make the Mini Cooper S which is a beautiful, rather expensive, small car, quite trendy.
Lyn
 
Posts: 42598
Joined: October 25th, 2007, 11:25 am

Re: Jokes

Postby GregB » September 20th, 2017, 7:22 pm

Pondero wrote:President Trump addressed the United Nations today.

Here is part of his serious address.

"Rocket man is on a suicide mission for himself"

:grin: :grin:

Here he comes!
http://cdn.tn.com.ar/sites/default/file ... et-man.jpg
Didn't know he was an Elton fan.

Number one!
http://www.betootaadvocate.com/wp-conte ... eeches.jpg
"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."
- T.S.Eliot 'Four Quartets'.
User avatar
GregB
 
Posts: 15077
Joined: October 25th, 2007, 11:23 am
Location: Barcelona, Spain

Re: Jokes

Postby Sprocket » September 21st, 2017, 9:52 pm

:D :lol: What a horrible sight!
Brendan Behan once went on a lecture tour of Canada. On his arrival, a reporter asked him why he'd come to Canada. Behan replied "I saw an advert that said 'Drink Canada Dry', and I thought 'I'll try anything once!'"
User avatar
Sprocket
 
Posts: 15445
Joined: October 25th, 2007, 11:21 am
Location: Hemel Hempstead, Herts.

Re: Jokes

Postby Sprocket » December 8th, 2017, 5:57 pm

"Mum, why is my sister called Teresa?"
"Because it's an anagram of Easter, and I like Easter."
"Oh. Thank you for explaining that."
"You're welcome, Alan."
Brendan Behan once went on a lecture tour of Canada. On his arrival, a reporter asked him why he'd come to Canada. Behan replied "I saw an advert that said 'Drink Canada Dry', and I thought 'I'll try anything once!'"
User avatar
Sprocket
 
Posts: 15445
Joined: October 25th, 2007, 11:21 am
Location: Hemel Hempstead, Herts.

PreviousNext

Return to Funny business

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron